Last night I had an interesting dream. I dreamt that I was visiting Rebecca's house to play with Ashira, but Becca had another younger baby there for me play with. He had jet black hair and eyes and faintly olive skin and gorgeous expressive lips. There was a healthy glow about him, despite the fact that his small body gave the impression of fragility. I swung him around in my arms and tossed his head back as he squealed with delight. But then I noticed that his heartbeat felt unnaturally fast, so I switched to less energetic kinds of play for fear of the poor boy's health. Soon after, I was talking to Rebecca again, who explained to me that the baby is an orphan, and his unusually fast heartbeat is actually normal for him due to a congenital anomaly which caused him to be born with two hearts. Since each heart beats independently, it seems like he has twice as many heartbeats as you'd expect. Becca then revealed to me that he could be weaned very soon and that he would be eligible for me to adopt. My heart melted right there on the spot. I had fallen in love with him in the short time I'd spent with him, and couldn't resist the thought of taking him home and giving him all he needed. But I then said to Rebecca that I had serious reservations about the tremendous practical difficulties involved with raising a child before I'd found a partner. I wasn't sure that I was up to the tremendous task of single parenthood. The last moment of the dream was me thinking to myself that despite the difficulty, I couldn't pass up an opportunity like this for my sake or for the boy's sake.

Since I tend toward the cigar-is-a-cigar school of dream interpretation, I'm going to assume that my subconscious is just feeding back to me my impatience to have children. I've been able to feel my biological clock ticking for years now. I remember the secret daydream that I harbored throughout my childhood and adolescence, how all I really wanted was to grow up to be a stay-at-home dad and house-spouse, despite the indubitably clear message sent by Western culture that my only valid role as a man would be as a bread-winner. Now that I'm all grown up, I don't think I'm going to let the world dictate terms to me anymore. Screw building my life around my "career". I'm not going to settle for anything less than making my dreams come true.